Be the person who deserves the things you want.

Recently, we've had a big spate of storms down here in Greenville.  Trees are down, stoplights out.  On the scale of summer storms, its a big mess.  I can remember how my Dad would react when we were kids.  He would go in to work or church and ask who had trees down, then would offer to clean them up if he could have the wood.  My brothers and I would be carted off with chainsaw, sledge, wedge, wheelbarrow and a few Chek sodas and we'd cut, chop, split and lug wood all day, building up firewood for next winter.  I was one of those wierd souls who could practice geometry proofs, pine for a young girl, and split a cord of wood all at the same time.  Now that's multitasking!

This guideline reminds me of my Dad, because he had no patience for self-pity.  I know people who will land their duffs on a couch, unbuckle thier belt, put one hand in their pocket and orate endlessly about what they don't have, what others have, what they want, what others have done to them, what they can't believe isn't provided free for everyone...it's exhausting. 

Here's how Dad would see it:

If you want friends: be friendly, be kind, love people, offer to help people who are down, take time to listen to people who want to talk, be who they need and don't ask for anything in return.  Friends will flock to you!  Nobody has enough friends, and really good friends are a treasure.  Make sacrifices for others.  Be loyal.  Be a really good friend to those that you have.

If you want to be rich:  work hard, stop buying stuff you can't afford, save your money and put it in sound, good returning investments.  Have patience.  Pay cash.  Take a second job.  Know which gas stations have the cheapest gas.  Invest in a wood stove and put your three sons to work.  Help other people make money so you can learn how they do it.  Don't let the sun go down on your idleness.

If you want a lover:  be tender, be kind, be loveable, be trustworthy.  Be the kind of person to whom someone can give their heart to and know, without doubt, that it is protected by the Fort Knox of your integrity.  Love.  Make sacrifices for others without casting the eye to see if they saw you.  Express yourself.  Be vulnerable.

If you want a beautiful body:  Stop eating crap, exercise, play energetic games with all our new friends, take a second job splitting wood for your neighbors, help other people with their yardwork, shovel their driveways when it snows, rake their leaves in the fall, chop their trees when it storms.

If you want to be healthy and have a long life:  Stay active, ride your bike every day, eat lots of salads filled with vegetables, watch your weight, love your family, never pass up the opportunity to help someone. Read about the things that kill people and don't do them, consume them, or hang out among them.

If you want a job:  Work hard.  Never complain.  Do things to help people who make lots of money make even more.  Use your noggin.  Don't put up with lazy, self-pitying people who are all take-take-take.  Never compromise your integrity.  Surround yourself with people who do all this, too.

If you want your sons to love you:  Show them a work ethic, and don't listen to any of their self pitying crap.  Love them.  Do stuff for them their whole lives without ever casting a glance to see if they were looking.  Make them work. When they complain, make them work harder.  Let them see you install a wood stove, record your mileage, watch your weight, exercise, make salads, be romantic with your wife, do stuff for your friends and for people you've never met.  Be a shining example of the husband that you want them to be for their wives.  Love your daughter's-in-law.  Love your grandchildren.

For many people, seeing things through my father's eyes would be the equivalent of turning the binoculars around the right way and finally getting a bird's eye view of the rest of the world, instead of spending all their energy microanalysing their own pitiful selves.  We all are pitiful selves--the difference is only in how much time we spend dwelling on it versus pouring it into other people anyway.

Happy Father's Day, Dad.  I love you and would live a very fine life if I could half live up to the legacy you've left me.

A gentleman and a professional at all times.

Many moons ago, after reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, I developed six overarching principles to guide my business and personal life.  These are mine; I have no ambition that others should adopt them, nor do I imply a moral right.  In fact, the first principle has an implicit respect and tolerance for others' differing principles. 

I edited them carefully over the course of many months, and each word has specific meaning.  As I read them now, I marvel at--once reduced to the marrow--how true they are to me, as if hard-wired into my being.  I have carried them in my wallet and in my heart for a couple decades.   In my office, I have a bulletin board of quotes to which I turn when I am facing a dilemma or decision that requires perspective, and this list is in the center.  Here they are, and in the next few posts, I'll discuss each one individually:

1. Be a gentleman and a professional at all times.
2. Be the person who deserves the things you want.
3. Never complain or explain.
4. Take credit and responsibility.
5. Everyone is special.
6. Always improve.

1. Be a gentleman and a professional at all times.
This sets a standard of excellence for both work product and for behavior.  Like the rest, it is a statement of goals, not minimum performance.  

A gentleman--or "gentle man"--puts others first.  There are no tempers, no foul language, no dishonesty or unnecessary secrets, no egotims or inuendoes--no bending the world to accommodate his person.  We may choose to raise our prices, or not to give in on a certain deal point, but we will do so politely and with full respect for the (differing) position of the other party.  A gentleman does not let anger or alcohol inhibit his behavior.  A gentleman will not lie to assuage the feelings of others, but rather tells the truth with care and concern for the listener.  He does the unpleasant tasks without comment or complaint (coming later).  His weariness, his hunger, his embarrassment, his cowardice and his bladder are simply not things to be accommodated.

A professional maintains a certain standard of excellence--whatever he has chosen to be, he will be the very best.  This is not the best "he can be;" a professional does not merit qualifiers.  Simply the best.  If this level of performance cannot be attained, he will work harder or choose something else, something more suited.  As an inventor, I will be the most creative, create the most value.  As a leader, I will hold the highest standards of integrity and excellence, communication and vision.  As a father, I will be the most compassionate and nurturing, without neglecting discipline and teaching.  What is done, is done deliberately and thoughtfully, with a high degree of proficiency.  Professionals make few mistakes, be they doctors or football players.  Mistakes may happen, but they must be recognized, acknowledged and learned from.

Lastly, "at all times."  This is a set of standards that must be saught at every moment.  It does not rest or take a vacation--it cannot be turned off.  One weekend of folly can ruin a marriage; one bad relationship can ruin a company; one poorly timed slap or scream can cast fear into the eyes of a son, daughter or spouse.

Rereading this, I am faced with the same anxiety I felt each time I stood next to the bar while competing in the high jump in high school.  The bar was first raised to the level of my shoulders, then my chin, then my eyes and eventually over my head.  The highest I jumped was 6'4", and I am only 5'11".  I can remember looking up thinking, "there is no way I can get over this," and yet with the proper approach, a strong step, and a well-timed kick, I got over them one by one, until I didn't, and then I got up and tried again.